Secrets
by nimacu
Summary: Exploring the origins of Naruto’s Birth, and why the son of the Hokage was raised as an orphan. Also contains the former story Guilty.
1. InoShikaChou

Title: Secrets

Summary: Exploring the origins of Naruto's Birth, and why the son of the Hokage was raised as an orphan. Now contains the former story "Guilty" as chapter two.

Disclaimer: I don't own it; I don't even do it justice.

Author's Note: This comes from wondering about whether the fourth is Naruto's dad, and if he is someone had to know. Also I've always wondered why Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji didn't group up as friends if their fathers were a team. The first time Shikamaru and Chouji really meet is on the roof.

New Author's Note: This story has taken on a life of it's own and therefore will be longer than anticipated.

* * *

_The three had lost their closest friend the night the fourth Hokage had died._

_The villagers weren't suppose to tell Naruto that he was the carrier for the demon fox, and they didn't._

The three men alone knew what other secret was kept from him. But they liked to forget this little bit of information when others were angrily complaining about the demon child. If by chance one of them mentioned it, all it garnered were guilty looks and silences. After all he had been their fourth and their friend.

It got to point where no one mentioned it at all; it was like they'd never known. If someone had asked them, they'd have remembered and possibly felt a little of that guilt, but nobody ever asked because nobody really wanted to know. It was easier to hate without the emotional ties.

They didn't really stay friends after his death, it wasn't the same. They'd carry out missions together just as before, but long gone were the dreams of raising their children along side each other. The boy was the nasty elephant in the room that no one could ever talk about.

Naruto grew up, and the more he resembled their former leader and friend the more they hated him. Perhaps they hoped if they hated him enough the guilt would go away completely. They pushed him, they ignored him. That clumsy child couldn't be his son. He had made friends easily and with grace, all of their children disliked the boy. It was inconsequential if they were the reason their children disliked him. The boy was nothing like him.

When he finally passed the Genin exam they worried, but not too much after all it had been his third try. They breathed a sigh of relief when their children weren't assigned to his group. It wasn't like he'd shine as a shinobi and upset the balance they created in the dozen years since his birth. Because they'd convinced themselves that no matter how much the boy resembled him, he couldn't be his son. He was just the demon's container.

They were wrong. The boy became famous for his tenacity. Anyone who spent any time in his presence was drawn to his energetic personality. Their children forget their parent's hatred and became his comrades. He even drew two of the legendary Sanin into his circle.

Most of the village forgot why they hated him so, they pretended as though he'd always been a hero of the village. But those older ninjas; the three who were the closest to his father couldn't forget their hatred, because if they forgot for even a moment then they'd have to face what they had done. They'd have to acknowledge the secret they'd kept.

_And still no one told him…_


	2. Kakashi

_Title: Guilty_

_Summary: A little look into Kakashi's head._

_Disclaimer: It's isn't mine._

* * *

_He's a guilty man, he knows that. _

_He knows that one day when all his acts are weighed against him this one event will cancel out whatever good he might have done._

_He remembers how they all looked forward to this day. How they laughed and rejoiced in the anticipation of it alone._

_But they're gone; they've slipped the mortal coil._

_He knows deep in his being they'd want him to stay, to rejoice even without them._

_But he can't stay._

_He can't bear to see his eyes in the child's face._

_He can't bear to hear his voice in the child's cries._

_He's left him, they've all left him._

_Tonight he'll join the ANBU._

_He wishes that the child were enough to keep him here. To keep him wrapped tight in his humanity._

_But it's slipping and as he hands the child over he knows he's betraying his truest friend, his closest comrade, and the only man he's ever respected enough to call sensei._

_He's a guilty man._

* * *

_He's as scarce as shadow, but on one of his visits to the town he hears that the child's finally graduating from the academy. _

_He feels as guilty now as he did twelve years ago._

_And so he shocks the village when he volunteers for a Genin team_

_The Sandaime is a man of tradition and they all know who will be put on his team,_

_They ask him how wise it is._

_They all know the child is his father's son._

_He thinks he'll be able to handle it._

_He doesn't realize until that first meeting how striking the image is._

_He can't look at the boy without regret._

_Soon he has trouble looking at him at all._

_He pulls the other boy closer, hoping to push him farther away._

_He finds someone else to teach the boy._

_The boy proves his parentage by finding someone even better than that to teach him._

_The new teacher rejoices in the boy's likeness to his father._

_He mourns that he could not._

_His own failings and shortcomings have separated him from the last remnants of his past._

_He's a guilty man. He knows that._


	3. Jiraiya

Title: Secrets

Disclaimer: It's all been done before

Summary: Exploring the origins of Naruto's Birth, and why the son of the Hokage was raised as an orphan.

**Important Author's Note: This story has taken on a freakin life of it's own, so it's going to be more than a two parter, and I've added on Kakashi's little tirade from Guilty so that you won't have to jump back and forth between stories.**

He had offered to take the boy.

And in so much as it mattered he knew he'd turn him down. Would he have offered if there had been a real chance of the Sandaime saying yes? He didn't know, and yet he'd offered. He listened to his former Sensei tell him that the life he led was no life to give a child, and he'd agreed. The Sandaime had said the boy was to go with the Fourth's former student, the gray haired one with the sharingan.

When he'd come back to the village several months later and realized what the gray-haired teen had done to the baby he'd again offered to take the child. Again he'd been denied by the Sandaime, he'd said the kid was better off in the orphanage. He'd reminded him that a child had no place following him from town to town as he sought Orochimaru and studied for his books. He couldn't argue with that and so he left with the promise that someday he'd be allowed to take the boy with him.

He'd stop in the village every six months or so, and when the child was eight he'd anonymously donated the money to finance the apartment and an allowance. It wasn't that he didn't want the child to know where the money came from, it was just that he was ashamed that he'd let the child grow up never knowing who he was.

He always had the intention of one day coming and collecting the child when he was older, but one thing or another put the date off farther and farther into the future. So it was much to his surprise that the boy sought him out on one of his semi-annual trips to the town and demanded that he teach him. He kept waiting for the boy to demand answers about his presence in his life, and so it surprised him when he realized that the boy hadn't sought him out because of his connection, and in fact had no idea of his presence in his life. It was simply that the boy was presumptuous enough to ask a perfect stranger he perceived as strong to teach him.

And so Jiraiya taught the boy. He passed down to the child the same summoning contract he passed to his father, and yet the boy never asked any questions, never wondered why he would sometimes refer to him as the Fourth's legacy. As is want to happen in the world, tragedy occurred and he lost the only other precious person still in his life, and if that made him more attached to Naruto then he tried even harder to never let on.

He took Naruto with him to find an old friend and when she immediately recognized the boy for who he was it made Jiyara stop and wonder why no one else had ever made the connection. It occurred to him at that moment that they must have, and even seeing it had denied the child. For a moment he felt the rage for the injustice done to the child, but only for a moment because he knew he was among the guilty.

When he'd arrived back in the village he'd cornered the three who among all others knew the truth most definitely. They were the grown men who should have taken responsibility for their fallen leader's child when the teenage boy who was damaged beyond repair could not. They gave him no answers; they were ashamed and guilty and yet had no excuse. He tiraded against what they had done and warned them that they would be the ones responsible for explaining it all to the boy when he finally asked. They would have to be ones to explain their decision to him.

_Eventually he took the boy and they finally left the village together as he'd planned all those years ago; and the boy grew and became more man than child. _

…_and yet he never asked of his origins._


	4. The Third

Title: Secrets

Summary: The Third's view

Disclaimer: IT isn't mine, i'm not sure i'd even want. Being rich and famous is overrated.

* * *

The third was the only person in the room the afternoon Naruto came screaming into the world and his mother went smiling out of it. 

The boy's father had rushed into the room only moments after they had pulled the sheet over her head, and in that instant he knew his successor wouldn't survive the night.

They spent the better part of the hour arguing over who would perform the jutsu to save the village. They were both leaders of their village and they were both fathers, the younger man insisted that he was the one with whom the responsibility lay and in the end he couldn't argue with it.

He'd seen that look in the eyes of his shinobi in the past and for the rest of his life he'd always think that the death of the woman in childbirth had aided the younger man's conviction.

He alone knew that the Fourth had had a death wish that night.

When he later thought the circumstances through he'd wonder if the Fourth had had just a little more time to grieve, a little more time to think about the life of the child he'd be leaving behind...if he'd had that time would he have made the same decision?

There hadn't been time to discuss the welfare of the child, the Fourth had sent him along to the front while he'd said goodbye to his wife's body. When he'd come with the child the only thing he'd asked was that they look on the boy as a hero. He hadn't even been able to do that.

He knew that in the chaos that followed he'd made mistakes that had altered the boy's life.

He was the one who gave Naruto his name that night, while the rest of the village was treating the wounded and tallying casualties. Naruto for the ramen item that both of his parents had eaten religiously and Uzumaki for the symbol of the leaf; the cause for which his father had died. And though he'd look back at his decision and wonder; that night he hadn't been purposely trying the hide the boy's parentage.

He'd been certain of who should raise the child and he'd turned down Jiraiya's offer with hope that the gray haired teen would make the right decision. The teen was going to need someone to live for now that all of his comrades were gone, he'd hoped the child would be enough to anchor him to life. He'd knew how wrong he'd been when the next morning the woman from the orphanage had demanded payment for keeping the demon child that the young copy-nin had dropped off in the middle of the night.

He'd again turned down the Jiraiya later that year. It was a selfish decision, but he wanted to see his successor's child grow up.

He spent the next twelve years watching Naruto grow. The boy was amazing in his tenacity, and if he sometimes let him get away with more than the other villagers... it was only because at every turn the child reminded him of his father.

Once Naruto became a Genin he didn't have the opportunity to spend as much time with him, the boy was gone more than he was at home. They'd spent no time talking in the recent months...but he hoped that if he knew nothing else...Naruto knew that he was proud of him.


	5. The First Talk

Title: Secrets Chapter 5

A/N The much anticipated chapter 5. Hope everyone enjoys.

* * *

He returned to to the village of the leaf at the end of his fifteenth year. He'd spent most of his life there…but the three years he'd been gone seem to stretch back to eternity…how could everything here be the same when he had changed so much? 

He'd spent the better part of his first two months home actually away from it…fighting wars that had begun before he was born. They could win the battles…but the war? The war had barely begun.

And so with this heavy heart he could be found on a rooftop not too far from the Hokage's tower and with an excellent view of the stone carvings. He knew no one lived in the apartment below…in as long as he'd been alive no one ever had and so it had been where he would invariably end up when the villagers would chase him off of their roofs…and he learned in time that if he sat here no one would bother.

* * *

When Jiraiya had returned to the village he'd been updated on what had happened with Gaara and with Akatsuki's spy. He'd found out that Naruto had had to once again let Orochimaru slip through his fingers…and that they were little closer to finding his comrade. 

And so he sought out his student…and found him staring up at the horizon over the Hokage's Monument.

Naruto didn't need him to speak to know he was there…

"They were brave men, weren't they?" Naruto asked without looking away.

"Of course they were stupid…that's why they were Hokage" Jiraiya felt a nagging pull in the pit of his stomach…he was afraid of where this was going.

"I don't mean just brave…I mean risk everything for the slightest chance of winning brave…the kind of brave that always gets you killed in the end" He still didn't meet his eyes.

"Is there any other kind of brave that could save a village?"

"The First and Second…they died saving the village during the great ninja wars. The Third…he died saving us all from Orochimaru…and the…Fourth…the Fourth he died sealing the fox demon inside of his only son…" Naruto's voice faded off as if he wasn't sure he wanted to give voice to his thoughts.

"How long have you known?" Jiraiya finally sat next to the boy on the roof…it didn't seem his legs could carry him any longer.

"Since the moment I walked back into the village two months ago…I should have figured it out years ago. I was too stupid…I didn't see what was right in front of my face…but even I can't miss the fact that the face that's carved up there on that mountain is almost an exact replica of the one I look at in the mirror every morning."

"Do you hate me?" Jiraiya expected that he would

"No…if I hated you for not telling then I'd have to hate everyone who didn't tell…and I imagine that the list would be longer than even I can guess." Naruto paused for a moment "But still…why couldn't you have told me…do you know how that would have changed everything?" He sounded more tired than a fifteen year should have had to be.

"Yes" he couldn't lie, he knew things would have been different.

"And still you have no excuse?" his voice quavered

"As brave as those men on the mountain are…I'm that much a coward…I couldn't tell you because I didn't want you to hate me…he was like a son to me and I left you in that orphanage…I left you to grow up thinking that no one had ever loved you."

The two companions were quiet for a moment and now Jiraiya was the one who couldn't make himself look at Naruto…and looking towards the monument only seemed to increase the guilt ten fold. Finally Naruto stood up; speaking before he left his sensei. "We all have our burdens to bear; that shouldn't have stopped you…I deserved to know the truth…he was my father…I spent four years thinking that the beast inside me killed the parents I never knew…at least that you could have prevented.


	6. Memorial

Title: Secrets Chapter 6

Author: Nimacu

Disclaimer: If only I owned it.

Author's note: By far my favorite chapter. Also, I desperately need a beta I went through the previous chapters and updated them last night, it's amazing what glaring errors you miss in your own writing.

* * *

Kakashi was standing at the memorial…lost in thoughts he could never give words to when he heard someone slowly approaching from the north…whoever it was not rushing nor were they sneaking. He could hear each deliberate footfall…as if the person was thinking about each step before taking it. He looked up and saw the boy in the distance and for a moment he let the boy's profile blur; and even if it made him weak…which was something he'd never admit to…he pretended for a moment that he was thirteen again and that it wasn't the boy approaching…but someone older and wiser…someone he'd spent half his life worshipping and the other half mourning for…he pretended for just a moment that the one person he'd ever leant on was coming to take some of the burden off of his shoulders. But that was only for a moment and when it was over his guilt at wishing to replace the living with the dead forced the thought from his mind. 

In as much as anything to do with the living could affect Kakashi the look on Naruto's face worried him…Naruto always had some sort of expression on his face either over excited happiness or glaring anger…but Naruto's face...it was drawn tight and blank of any emotion. It was so much like the expression he wore himself everyday that his breath hitched in realization.

Naruto eventually reached the memorial and stood beside him. Kakashi knew this was one of those moments where it was best to let the other speak first…even if the prospect of the words that would come out of Naruto's mouth made his stomach coil in a sick sort of anticipation…he'd known this day was coming and he'd anticipated and dreaded it with equal aplomb.

"You've known my entire life, haven't you?"

"Known what?" They played this game a thousand times before…Kakashi making Naruto draw out his question…seek for what he was after.

"Known who my father was…known the answers to the question of my existence"

"I'm known that answer since you were in the womb…since you began I've known those answers" Kakashi was speaking in riddles…it was part of their sensei/student relationship…he was never one to change a pattern; even now.

"Why couldn't you have ever told me?" There was a pleading desperation in Naruto's voice…he need answers and no one seemed to have them.

And as was his way Kakashi didn't answer the question but instead began a story

"I loved your parents…they were the last two precious people I had left on this earth…when they died I wanted no more precious people in my life. I was supposed to raise you…it was what they would have wanted, it was what the third wanted…and I gave you away. I put you in the orphanage…the night I gave you up I wanted to have nothing more to lose…I wanted to die, life held no more promises for me and yet I lived.

Every time I looked at you I had to pretend I couldn't see them in your face…pretend that I didn't hear their laughter in your voice…if you knew how could I keep on pretending? Even though I pretended my heart still warmed knowing that in giving you life they'd left a piece of themselves on this earth. I was afraid that if you found out what a disappointment I was as a student and a sensei then you'd leave forever and take with you the last reminders of my humanity."

_ Kakashi finished his story with his hand absentmindedly running over the name of his sensei on the monument. Naruto didn't say anything in response but instead put his hand next to Kakashi's on the moment, only a hairbreadth away from touching as he read for the first time the name that belonged to his father._


End file.
